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So it is done! My last day was Wednesday.  I can’t believe it myself.  Everything feels very surreal and I suppose it hasn’t really hit me yet.  I am excited for what is next and I am also scared of what is next.

As I left the office for the last time the other day I found myself looking in my review mirror wondering if I had made the right decision.  Why do we do that to ourselves?!  It’s like we take all this pain forsaking time to make a decision and then as soon as we make it we doubt ourselves!

As I made my way home with thoughts of doubt in my mind, an image of myself flashed into my memory from just over two years ago…

It was my first night out of my home and away from my then husband and dogs.  I was terrified.  Half of everything that I owned was in a storage shed waiting for it’s finale destination, which was still unknown to me. I was sleeping in a borrowed bed in an unfamiliar apartment and the only thing that reminded me of home was the clothes in my closet.

While I lied there staring at the ceiling in the dark, the tears began to steam down my face. I was taking in everything that had unfolded in the last few weeks.  All the steps that led me to that point of being in my brother’s basement apartment.  The tears only lasted a few moments when the memory of my mother’s voice came into my thoughts, “You are always exactly where you should be and everything happens for a reason.”

My wise mother told me these words throughout my life.  That night they saved me, and they saved me again on my ride home the other night. By reflecting back to that night I remembered how scared I was that I had made the wrong decision.  Now, only 2 years and 3 months later I know it was the right decision.

So much has come to pass since that night.  So many good things, and I have come so far. When I was in the belly of my decision I couldn’t see what great things were in store for me.  It was only with time and determination to continue to stick to my guns that I made it to where I am at today.

So instead of looking in the rear view mirror to see what I am leaving behind, I am choosing instead to look back to remember where I have been.  I am looking back to remind myself that I have doubted myself before and now know how foolish that truly is.

I can honestly say that I have no idea what is next for me. What I do know with conviction is, leaving my job was the next thing for me to do. I believe in my mother’s words and I know that life is just unfolding in front of me.  Sometimes life gives us just one step at a time, it’s holding back the rest until we take that first jump.

In the mean time I have to give myself a gentle reminder not to get caught in the limbo of worrying if I made the right decision or not. I have to continue to trust that there was something in my gut telling me to make that change.

I am learning from my past that if I trust in that instinct and continue to move forward, one day I will know it was not the wrong decision, but the right decision that brought me closer to myself.

There will always be decisions to make in life.

The truth is, even though making those decisions scares us and we can’t always see what’s on the other side, we have to make them anyway.  Life has a funny way of always working out in the end. We just have to close our eyes, trust in our hearts and take that leap of faith into the unknown. Always knowing, “That you are always exactly where you should be and everything happens for a reason.”

Ps… If it helps, reach up and rip that rear view mirror down, you only need to see what’s in front of you when traveling the road of life.

Write back soon, Love Annie