Four months since I left my career! I can’t believe how much has happened since then, a lot. One of my first blogs was, “I don’t need to hike the Appalachian Trail.” That post came about because I thought I needed to go away to “find myself.”
What I have been doing these last four months is just that, but I’m not hiking a trail to do it. There are no mile markers or landmarks I can share with you along this process. There will be no certificate, no diploma or blue ribbon for me to hang on the wall when I am done.
People often ask me what I am doing with my life. My answer to you is this.
“I am living.”
I meditate; I finished my 90 days of meditation a week and a half ago. I can not explain to you in words how much self growth I have gained from that. It was hard, it was ugly at times and I often hated it. At the same time, it was amazing, beautiful and ground breaking. I have probably learned more about myself in the past 90 days than I have in my entire 36 years.
I go to nature; I soak up as much sun as possible and I run in the woods every day that my legs allow me.
I cry; more than I can ever remember, because I am releasing garbage I refuse to continue to keep trapped inside.
I help; my friends and my family whenever they need me. I have coffee with friends I haven’t seen in many years because life has gotten in the way. I make time to be present with people and for people.
Somewhere in the past four months I have found a peace in myself I never knew existed and I also found a tyrant that has hijacked my mind and been taking hostage of my thoughts.
I am now learning to find balance between the two of them.
I find myself pondering life, a lot. I am constantly on a quest to learn more and study from those who sought answers before me.
It is always good to take advice from those who have traveled before us. Much like an inexperienced hiker may ask someone who has finished the trail: What things they should pack, where can they find their water sources and where is the best place to set up camp?
We must collect as much information as we can before we start and still while we are hiking but the truth is, in the end, we all have to hike our own hike. Every journey from birth to death has the same reference point but only we can take ourselves from here to there.
No one walks in our shoes along the way, no matter how much the ones closest to us want to. Friends and family want to protect us, give us “their” best advice but only we know what we are going through and what we need.
I feel like my whole life I have been like a piece of stone that life was chipping away at. I stood there hands clenched, eyes squeezed shut as each blow of the hammer hit me. Each strike chipping away another piece off that did not serve me. I stood stoic like a statue not budging while life decided what would be removed next, but somehow in these past few months, that has stopped.
I grabbed the hammer.
Each day since then I have looked myself in the mirror and said Annie, “What lie shall we remove today? What habit no longer serves me? What way of being no longer works? What advice am I no longer listening to? What “say so” is now a say no, for me?”
Chip by chip and piece by piece I am finding a better me, a clearer me. Perhaps when all is said and done and all the money has run out I will be right where I left off. I will look back and there will be no trail behind me, no war stories to tell but I will have been changed. For life. No different from the man or woman who sets off on the Appalachian Trail and comes back changed, so will I when am done.
I know I have a unique opportunity that many people will never have the chance to experience. If I fear anything, it is that I will not take full advantage of it, but summer is upon us. I plan to leave no stone left unturned as I experience my own hike of being here now, helping those in need, meditating everyday, writing when I am called to and breathing in nature while letting the sun kiss my face every second possible…
Write back soon, love Annie
If I shall die tomorrow I know I have lived my life fully today, may we all find peace in our hearts and then find the will to follow them. Amen.
Beautiful I love it!
I thought you may! As little Glenny hikes the PCT, I am hiking my own little trail 🙂 We both will have stories to share with you! Xox thank you for your never ending support. I love you.
Love that you considered even those who are blind. Reading your blog aloud allows them to share in your vision. Yes…change is inevitable. My favorite saying… “All of life is about mastering the art of change.”
I like that quote… It’s very true! Thank you for sharing. I have never thought of my reading the post helping those who are blind, but you are right 🙂 I have had people mention that they have a hard time reading or comprehending what they are reading so they would rather listen than read or prefer to read along. Either way I’m only happy to touch as many people as possible with my blog and if that includes reading along, I’m only to happy to do so! Thank you for always being a faithful reader. I so enjoy your comments! Xox by the way, what is your first name? I only know you by your email or perhaps I already know you in person as well 🙂
You already know me in person and so does Theresa. But I hesitate because you may associate the person you knew with the person I am now. We may change the outside but the essence of who we really are never changes. Let’s just say that I enjoy reading your blog and watching your spirit come to life.
So we shall leave it a mystery then! Thank you again for your continued support 😉
Love It!